November 2, 2024 @ 2:01am
Yes, I am awake and have been for over an hour now. All I will say about being up at 2am is insomnia is real. I know there are many of us, who have a hard time falling asleep OR we wake up, randomly, and cannot go back to sleep. Well, I am one who deals with both…it began while I was pregnant with my daughter but now, after six & a half years, it still happens and she’s been sleeping through the night for years. I guess it happens when I, personally, have a lot on my mind, a lot of wondering & worrying. Unfortunately and fortunately, I’ve been dreaming and planning, while trying to quiet the voices of self-doubt and anxiety. My dreams are being realized in the midst of some heavy, life stuff going on. I wonder if anyone can relate to something like this: You’ve entered a chapter where you have found love and, yet you’re dealing with jobs, health, & family and it is harder than it's supposed to be. At times, you have doubted whether you are capable of feeling better about life and how you are living it. There is also the anxiety you can feel everyday, sometimes, that has you feeling like something bad is ALWAYS looming around the corner. The failure is right there. The disappointment is right there. The inadequacy is right there. The self-doubt is right there. The sadness is right there. But then something beautiful is seen and/or is felt and it pushes ALL of the negative thoughts away. Like hearing my baby girl sing and laugh. Or rubbing my Daddy’s head as he slept. Like seeing my baby niece walking for the first time. Or holding my baby cousin in my arms and seeing my cousin, her Daddy, in her eyes. Like when I watch my little family sleeping. Or holding the books, I wrote, in my hands. Like the feeling of warm sun on my face in the morning. Or the laughter I share with my husband. I am SO happy that my “good always outweighs the bad” and because that is true…I won’t complain.
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